By Patricia Young.
My husband and I have someone close to us that is struggling in a relationship. I can see it so clearly, when you’re outside of the chaos, you can see that she’s settling for less than she deserves, and this is creating a ripple effect in so many areas of her life, including her kids.
This whole situation made me reflect and it’s true that sometimes we face difficulties in life that create big dilemmas. It could be relationships, a job, new opportunities, etc., but at the end of the day, even though we don’t always have control over all the events in our life, we always have the ultimate power – the power of choice.
Every choice we make matters and has consequences; it doesn’t matter how big or small it is. Deep in our heart, we know this, and that’s what creates the anxiety and fear around making new choices. The problem is that when we don’t feel worthy enough, most of the times, we don’t think we deserve better, and we believe that we cannot have what we most desire, be it a better relationship, a better job, start a new business, etc., we end up settling for less.
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If you think about it, settling for less than we deserve is also a choice, but we could conveniently hide behind the thought that we “had no choice”, and that ends up being the perfect excuse that will only lead us to feel powerless and like a victim. But our inner guidance knows the truth, and going against our core values leads to self-betrayal, which will create great pain.
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The truth is that we’re not here to settle for less, we’re not here on the planet to shrink and fit in. When we settle and fit in, we’re making choices and living life based on other people’s expectations, what society expects us to do, and there is no way we will be able to live an authentic and joyful life if we keep “shoulding” ourselves and playing “safe”.
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Here are 5 signs that you’re settling for less in life:
- You’re playing the blame game – Things happen and people can act in despicable ways sometimes, but don’t give your power away by putting the blame on others or circumstances. Remember, we are more powerful than we think and we always have a choice to change things around in life.
- Using “someday” as an escape – You delay taking action until after “this” happens or when “that” happens because you are afraid that you will fail, or you’re afraid of the ripple effect that your choices will create. Here’s the truth, the time will never be perfect. Waiting will only keep you in the same situation, feeling the pain of self-betrayal.
- You numb yourself – You probably fill the void by watching many hours of TV, shopping, drinking alcohol and/or eating a bit more than you should. There’s nothing wrong with watching a bit of TV and having a social drink to disconnect, but when the highlight of your day, consistently, is the wine you drink at night or the hours you spend watching mindless TV, looking at other people’s lives on Facebook, etc, you’re settling for less.
- You focus more on the time and energy – when you do something, you focus more on the time and energy invested than the joy, love and fulfilment that you gained.
- You feel jealous of other people – You see other people that have more fulfilling lives, better relationships, thriving businesses, etc., and you feel jealousy or resentment. Use those people as an inspiration and celebrate their success. If they can live more meaningful and joyful lives, so can you!
Fear can paralyze us, but the only way to stop settling in life is by following your inner guidance and making the conscious choice of taking action, even if it’s a baby step every day. Also, when making decisions, ask yourself this question: “What will I regret in the future?”, that way you’ll motivate yourself to take an inspired action that feels more authentic to you.
“So many of us choose our paths in life out of fear disguised as practicality”— Jim Carey
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Virginia Reeves says
Patricia: to me this statement is key: “when you do something, you focus more on the time and energy invested than the joy, love and fulfillment that you gained.” This type of settling for less indicates you are not ‘living in the moment’ and appreciating what you have right now. For some reason you don’t allow yourself to experience the happiness you deserve.
Lore Raymond says
Ahhh, I’ve been there and back so many times, Patricia! You capture the challenges beautifully. I reflected on some aspects of your message in my Monday VFA question about the birthday brunch I just hosted. I’ve moved to a new space that says: I am enough. I am sufficient. What you think of me is none of my business. I care but I don’t care. xo
Peggy Nolan says
Long ago in the winter of 2002, a quote from TS Elliot found me: “If you are unwilling to impose your terms upon life, then you must be willing to accept what life offers you.” That was my wake up call to begin imposing my terms upon life.
barbparcellswritingalife says
My daily affirmation is always”Everything is working out for my highest good.” The choices I make after that tend to be the right ones.
magicalblessingshealingcenter says
Beautiful post and suggestions of settling. Or what I remind myself of are you living life or is life living you? xoxo
Lea Tran says
“Going against our core values leads to self-betrayal and pain.” This is so true, Patricia. When we go against our values we start to lose trust in ourselves. It’s a great feeling to take a stand for your values.